Comparing NBA Teams to Fireworks

Comparing NBA Teams to Fireworks

By: Heath Montgomery

So, I wanted to incorporate some holiday cheer into my writing today by focusing on the best part of July 4th, the fireworks. Everyone loves fireworks and I’d love to write about the all day! Unfortunately, our blog isn’t covering fireworks specifically so I had to find a way to incorporate that boring association called the NBA… ugggggghhhhh. I thought the best way to bring them together was compare them to each other, firework to NBA team:


Celtics: Mine Firework

 mine firework.jpg

If you aren’t familiar with the mine firework, it is a firework that has several different streams that go out to make a fan across the sky. They are extrememly bright and one fo my favorites because they just cover a lot of area. The Celtics are like this because they have a team that is always working together. The Celtics don’t have that Lebron-type player to just take over a game on both ends. They work together as a team to take down more talented rosters; they showed exactly how to do it against Cleveland in Game 3 of the ECF. They work together as a team and put on a show.


Knicks: The one that messes up

 knicks sad

You all know that firework I am talking about. There is at least one every year that blows up instantly or shoots off at the house and that describes the Knicks franchise perfectly. Whenever you feel like they are taking a step in the right direction it just seems to blow up in their face. You get a great young player in Porzingis then Phil Jackson puts him on the trading block and makes him unhappy. I hope the Knicks can turn it around soon after firing Jackson but for now they stay as the embarrassment to the firework family.

P.S. I know Jason Pierre-Paul is in New York and just wanted to clarify that this isn’t a shot at him.


Raptors: Snakes

 snakes firework

I feel as though not many people know about snakes, I honestly have never heard of them, but they describe the Raptors perfectly. Snakes are fireworks you light on the ground and they fizzle with light and sound while just lying on the ground and when they are done they just look like someone took a shit all over your porch. That is the Raptors organization. They have two great players in Lowry and Derozan who will lead their team to the playoffs every year, and every year people think “The Raptors may beat the Celtics or Cavs this playoffs”. Raptors fans get their hopes up (Drake) but ultimately the Raptors lose in the second round and are done for, looking like a pile of shit at the end of the season.


76ers: Flying Fish


The Flying Fish is my least favorite of all the fireworks. It’s that firework that shoots high up into the sky and you expect a huge explosion, only to be let down with a little “Pop!”. It leaves everyone wondering “Is that it?” For this one I am predicting the 76ers to have that type of year. They have a lot of young talent to build around for the future, but I don’t expect them to be very good this upcoming season. I may be wrong but I think it will take some time for the 76ers to become dangerous, they may leave us saying “Is that it?” by the end of the season.


LA Lakers: Bottle Rockets

 bottle rockets

We all know bottle rockets. The classic firework that their parents or grandparents tell stories of shooting them at cars and other things. They aren’t as popular today as they were back in the day (Showtime Lakers) since everyone wants the biggest fireworks possible. Every now and then they have an entertaining moment when you play with them (Kobe’s final game), but can mostly be pretty boring. The Lakers have the potential to make a huge splash next summer but for now they are just little bottle rockets.


Rockets: Rockets

houston rockets logo.gif

Yeah, honestly this just makes too much sense, they have the same name. The similarities are more than the name though. A rocket is about the second most powerful firework and if it had a little bit more fire power it could make a run at #1. That is exactly where the Rockets are as a team right now. They have talented backcourt that can cause some serious damage, but they need to add one more piece (Carmelo) if they want to make a major impact in the Western Conference.


Spurs: Roman Candles

 roman candle

Roman Candles are classic and everyone has memories of them. They are simple and you can have a lot of fun with them… but not too much fun. This is exactly like the Spurs. Neither of these two will be going away from our traditions anytime soon, but are also not our top go to option right now.


Thunder: Fountains

fountains fireworks.jpg

Fountains are all show. They only go up about 8 feet and do just about everything. They’re fun to watch for entertainment but are never the centerpiece for your night of fireworks. Russell Westbrook was the entertainment during the regular season as everyone watch him rack up triple-double after triple-double. They added Paul George to make them a talented squad but in my opinion, they’ll just be entertaining to watch, nothing else.


Cavaliers: Mortars


This is the best firework out there, they have everything you can ask for. Height, sound, light, color, size; they are just perfect. The Cavaliers are exactly like a mortar. They have everything you want in a championship contending team: superstars, rebounders, shooters, coaches. Although I believ they need a couple more pieces to beat the Warriors, I’m sure we’ll end up seeing Lebron in the finals for a 9th straight time.


Warriors: Nuke


They don’t get to be in the fireworks category, they outgrew that after getting KD. The Warriors are returning everyone next season and may even be adding another scorer in Nick Young or Jamal Crawford. They are going to be insane next year! Do I hear 82-0?? Okay, I won’t go that far, but after dominating the league last year and building chemistry this summer there is no reason that shouldn’t blow this league up. (See what I did there?)



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